Philippine troops to withdraw from the Philippines

"Since we withdrew our troops from Iraq not one of our troops have been kidnapped. Obviously my much criticized negotiations have truly worked. To prevent further problems of hostage taking in Mindinao and in other parts of the Philippines we are going to withdraw all troops from the Philippines. I realize that this will be disruptive to those in the military and their families but this will surely prevent further hostage taking of our troops. My ministers in fact our working out plans to move all non-Muslims citizens from our country. We haven't quite figured out where we all will go yet, but that is a minor detail when faced with the threat of hostage takings and beheadings"

(by one of the masters of parody himself, the curt jester)